Sunday, April 24, 2011

I Have to Wait Three Months to See Naked Jason Bateman Clutching His Nut Sack and a Mirror to Get a Better Look at His Taint.

A high school friend alerted me to a new Jason Bateman movie by sending me a link to the trailer. We were huge fans of his TV show It's Your Move and still quote from it as often as we quote Arrested Development. Sadly, it's all just a big tease because The Change-Up isn't released until this August. Its premise of two buddies envying each other's lives and then switching bodies in some magical moment isn't original, but Jimmy Crack Corn, and I don't care; the trailer made me laugh. Not that it matters. Jason Bateman was one of my teen idol crushes in the eighties, and his career's resurrection has reminded me of his charm. And how enjoyable it would be to see his bare white ass. Perhaps this is not the best reason to choose to watch a movie, but fuck it. Can you really blame me? Exhibits 1 and 2.

Forty-two years old and happily married but still a little pissy I have to wait three months. I may as well be fifteen again. After twenty-seven years I still wouldn't throw you out of bed for eating crackers, Jason Matthew Michael Bateman Burton Bluth. Perhaps that should be a secret. What the hell. You are the Internet. You can keep a secret...

It's Tough to Have a Crush on You

The mere fact
 that you call 'making love' 'pop pop' 
tells me that you're not ready.

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