Friday, April 8, 2011

Congratulations! You Just Fucked Your Daughter!

So. You're against Abortions. We get it. Our tax dollars DO NOT pay for Abortions, but if you're in office you know that already, and if you're not in office but vote for these schmucks, you believe Them when they tell you otherwise. It's called the Hyde Amendment, look it up and have someone read it to you. Let's move on.

Boner is on the verge of Shutting Down the Government. Take note: Japan has had the worst fucking month, and I don't hear talks of them Shutting Down so if you're not already hanging your head in shame, now would be a good time.

We can argue the points both sides have about Why, and Budget, and so on, but I don't want to do that. Our priorities are too different. In my experience, your politics are prioritized by Making Money, while mine are prioritized by Caring for People. If I seem a bit arrogant from here on out, let me assure you that I Do think this makes me better than you.

I'm going to put this in terms you will hopefully pay attention to because it pertains to your kids. Specifically, your daughters.

NOT hypothetically speaking, one day your little girl is going to have to go to a gynecologist. I'm not calling her a slut, I'm not wishing a bad disease upon her. She has a vagina and needs to take care of it. Gynecologist is not a bad word by the way, and neither is Vagina. Nor Uterus. She will need to have cancer screenings. She will eventually get her first (of many yet to come) Yeast Infection. She will probably get a first Urinary Tract Infection. Again. Not a calling her a slut. This shit just happens.

Who is she going to go to for this medical care? Don't tell me she's going to your doctor, because She. Is. Not. I don't care how close you think you two are. If you are her Dad, start praying she's willing to go to Mom. If you are her Mom, are you absolutely sure she's coming to you? Are you willing to bet her life on it? Because the first time she decides to go to a Gynie, she is more than likely going to ask her friends about it, and they will send her where all our friends sent us. Planned Fucking Parenthood. Except you are Shutting Down the Government if We don't agree to kill Planned Parenthood, and I don't know who your daughter can afford to go to if she doesn't have Planned Parenthood. Remember: She's probably not going to you for help, so she's probably not asking you for the money.

Now, the first trip she makes may very well be for Birth Control, but I know you refuse to believe this, and I don't want you claiming that I'm insulting your kid, so let's say that her first time is because something feels Not Quite Right. If it's an Awful Not Quite Right, yes, she may be scared enough to confide in you, but let's neither of us go there. Let's say that the first Not Quite Right is typical, but she doesn't know that. She doesn't want to go to you. She's embarrassed and afraid that you will think she's doing something she shouldn't be doing, and she doesn't want to get in trouble so she's gonna wait. That's right. She's going to wait and hope to fuck it goes away on its own. And it won't. If Planned Parenthood exists, she will go there. She can afford it; they will take very good care of her. If I recall correctly, they have small speculum (not a dirty word) they keep for Scared Virgins. That's love right there. They will diagnose her Yeast Infection, give her Monistat and send her on her way to a relief I can't begin to describe. If you shut them down, who does she go to? What if it's not a Yeast Infection? What if it's a Urinary Tract Infection? How long do you think she can keep it from spreading to her bladder? Think this isn't a big deal? Because it is. Think I'm exaggerating? I'm not. If you were once a young woman, you know I'm telling the truth. If you're a man, ask a woman. Any woman.

The fact is, Planned Parenthood does so much more than you know or care to know. All you care about is Abortions. Despite the fact that no federal dollars are spent on Abortions. Oh yes, and money. You love money. Here's what: Let's slash the military (we don't need 3 wars), start taxing the Church, legalize marijuana and then tax it,  stop sponsoring NASCAR teams, cut Governor Scott Walker's paycheck, and not pay Congress while they're striking - There. Problem solved.

Now piss off.

Leslie Ann Levine

You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success.
Fucking act like it.

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