Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Teach Your Children Well

As I watch the aftermath of the George Zimmerman trial with my jaw on the floor, I hear and read pundits and bloggers ask the question, "How do I explain this to my children?"

How do you explain this to your children? Be honest.

Say, "Well, My Dearest, you are not a straight, white, christian male so you have fewer rights.

"You aren't a lesser person, My Love, but because you are gay, those in power will spread lies about your ability to feel love for another human being. Because you aren't a christian, those in power will always think you are a cheap, greedy demon with horns and a tail, and, of course, a terrorist. My Sweet, because you aren't a male, those in power will never let you forget that your body belongs to them, especially if you've been impregnated. Yes, my Precious One, even if it was forced upon you.

And because you aren't white, those in power will always judge you to be inherently evil, and they will see to it that your voice is never heard, your rights never honored, and your place in society kept strongly chained many pegs below them, or better yet, out of sight. In your own home or prison, it matters not to them.

"Never forget you are just as good as them. Never forget you are not a lesser person. And never stop fighting, peacefully, against those that would hold you back. Because, as Melissa Harris-Perry's father would say, "The Struggle continues.""

When your child is older, tell him or her that George Zimmerman is a mincing fucking cunt, and you hope someday someone tears his fucking skin off, wears it to his mother's birthday party, and rubs his nuts up and down her leg whilst whistling Bohemian fucking Rhapsody.

Trayvon Martin deserved better. I hope his murderer spends the rest of his life looking over his shoulder.

Birmingham Sunday

You are the result of four billion years of evolutionary success.
Fucking act like it.

Thursday, March 28, 2013


Femi-Nazis and the Gay Mafia. Leave it to a cunt like Rush to give violent names to the powerless Americans who stand up for themselves by asking for equality. Peacefully...


You are the result of four billion years of evolutionary success.
Fucking act like it.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

...And the Rest.

Glen Doherty, Tyrone Woods, and Sean Smith.

You got that? Because I'm really disgusted by the words "Christopher Stevens and three other Americans." I don't care if you are in the media or just some schmuck trying to bullshit your way through a discussion of Benghazi and Susan Rice. Learn their names if the topic matters to you so much.

We Dug a Hole

A world to the wise isn't necessary.
It's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

You're Just Pushing the Darkness Around

Are we still really discussing why Republicans lost? 

This is very simple so let's end the mystery now and be done with it: Unless you are very rich, the conservative agenda sucks, and because most voters aren't rich, more people voted for Obama.

If you're still trying to figure out Why, you need to stop believing conservative media. They know the truth, and so should you. Change the channel. Please.

I can explain it to you, 
but I can't understand it for you.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

All the Money in the World Can't Guarantee a Sure Thing.

'It could be tonight,' he thought as he stood in the corner pretending to have a good time. He would find out tonight. All his young life, he had dreamed of a position like this. The White House, Commander in Chief, The President. "President", by the way, is spelled with an "s". The President has power. Real, executive Power.

Now as for personality traits, he needed none. He just had to lie about his position on the issues and lie all the time. 

To arrive at this moment he had traveled vast distances enduring many hardships. A summer in France to avoid going to war, tuna and pasta, debates with crazy people, you name it.

Inside his head, he could see it. It was perfect. He knew almost nothing about the people and they didn't know much more about him. It was exactly how it was supposed to be.

He brought the clan of stupid to his Boston Headquarters. The lights were soft, the moment was right. Then they leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Do you love me?"

Thoughts raced through his mind. Did they really want him? What had he done to deserve this voter disenfranchising effort and Super PAC bounty? Did Global Warming exist? Who invented FEMA and why? 'Do you love me?'

Staring into their eyes he knew that they really needed to hear it but like always, he was unaware that these are not just words and if he said it, it would be a lie. "Do you love me?" they whispered. "Do you love me?"

It would not be tonight. The answer was No.

I hope you appreciate the magnitude
 of your impending good fortune.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Go Ahead, Cornelius. You Can Cry.

If you're one of the lucky Americans who has electricity, isn't bailing water out of what's left of your house, or scrounging for food, you may have seen this video:

Maybe she's simply annoyed by the bombardment of political ads, but if I were a Bettin' Man, I'd say she senses the ongoing tension that the adults in her life are feeling so close to this Election Day. It's a really tight race. Dick skin tight. And I have no idea why.

Like him or not, you've seen Bronco Bama under pressure, and you've been living with his policies for the last four years. Maybe you agree with them, maybe you don't, but you've seen the alternative. Do you hate our president so much that you are not appalled and terrified by the thought of Mitt Romney pretending to lead the country? If you aren't reelecting Barack Obama, I've just got to know - what the fuck is wrong with you? I mean, if you're a billionaire who happens to be a weasel, fine, I get it, two jets aren't enough, you want more. But other than that, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? Mitt Romney doesn't like you. In fact, he hates you.

He's secretly taped calling you a moocher who refuses to take care of yourself, but he's still got your vote? He's telling you he'll create a job for you, but we all know he's going to send it to China like he ALWAYS does. Don't you know that? Freeport, Illinois does. He's going to take away your affordable health care and demolish Medicare. What part of that sounds good? Don't you know that he hasn't shown you his taxes because he's hiding his own money in the Caymans? He may be promising to lower your taxes, but he'll have to get rid of some of your deductions in order to do that. Do you understand what that means? He's raising your taxes, he's not lowering them. He changes the facts when it's convenient for his campaign, and there's not one policy he's stood by without reversing it later. Everything he says leaves me with the full body sensation of Fuck a Bunch of That. Take FEMA. 

During the Primary Debates he called the cost of FEMA "immoral" and that damage control should be left to the states or, even better, the private sector. Because we all know that first responders, the men and women who run into burning buildings, are doing it for the money...

Have you seen photos of the east coast this week? Does it look like any of these states are in a position to handle this? How many of the first responders came from the private sectors? When Governor Chris Christie comes forward to shower Obama with thanks, you know that states under water need a dry, outside fucking hand. It took the Romney camp two fucking days to come out with a statement flipping his opinion on FEMA from Get it Out of the Federal Government's Hands to "As president, I will ensure FEMA has the funding it needs to fulfill its mission..." Two fucking days. To come up with a statement. How long would it take him as president to respond to a disaster with action? Heckuva job, Romney.

For fuck's sake, I've been voting for close to thirty years now, and I've never seen anything like this. I'm not just talking about Dubya. I've been around long enough to remember Ross Perot and Dan Quayle. A puppet who had no business in politics, a businessman who had no business in politics, and a moron who had no business in politics. Mitt is all three. He lies about what he'll do as president because the truth would repulse you, he lies about what Obama does as president because the truth would cost him your vote, and those of you who are still going to vote for him are letting him get away with it. 

If President Barack Obama is reelected on Tuesday, I will know that this country is in habited by a majority who understand that it's time to listen to what Science tells us about Global Warming. I'll know that a woman's choice to take care of her own body will be protected by our President and the new Supreme Court Justice he chooses. I'll know that the country saw what I saw this week: Obama reacting quickly to help a drowning east coast while his competitor chose to stay in Ohio and campaign. Wednesday will be one of the most beautiful days of my life. 

But right now, I am Jack's cold sweat because half of you are voting for Mitt and in doing so you are voting against women, children, seniors, blacks, hispanics, homosexuals... Well. Anyone who isn't a very, very rich white male. There are enough of you keeping this race way too close. And I still don't understand how you've made it to voting age without choking on a marble or jamming a fork into an electrical outlet. You're the worst thing that's ever happened to us. 

I haven't been fucked like that 
since grade school.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Will the Real Mitt Romney Please Stand Up?

By now you know that Mitt Romney was secretly recorded while pointing out that he's an idiot:

His plan for dealing with the Middle East is to do nothing and hope for the best.
He has no idea what a dirty bomb is.
He thinks his only chance of winning the Latino vote would be to have been born to a Mexican father as opposed to an American who lived in Mexico.
He thinks 47% of this country is a lazy group of no-tax paying moochers who will vote for Obama because he gives us handouts.
His "job is not to worry about those people" Because he'll "never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives."

So THAT's who Mitt Romney is. No wonder he's been so quiet about his policies. The robot is a pompous, arrogant, entitled fuckstick who dosen't realize his own father was on welfare for part of his life and would have been part of the 47% who'll never vote for him.

Does Mitt Romney have any advisers or did he fire them all and secretly replace them with Folgers Fucking Crystals? Because everything that comes out of his mouth is cringeworthy and completely un-presidential.

He doesn't seem to know that the 47% he just insulted are seniors who contributed to this society since Romney was a crying sack of dirty diapers who needed his mother to wipe shit off his balls.
The 47% he just insulted are Soldiers who risk their lives every moment of the day so that Romney can sit comfortably at home taking over companies, stealing their worker's salaries & pensions, and putting them out of work or sending their jobs overseas.
The 47% he just insulted are children who, luckily, don't have work in a sweatshop to contribute financially with an income tax because in this country we protect them from that shit. And you can thank Labor Unions for that, by the way.

And if you are a Republican, the 47% he just insulted is you too. You know that, right? Look at the Tax Foundation map of the Non-Payers by state, you'll see that the top 10 states are Red States. Republicans. Mississippi, Georgia, Arkansas, New Mexico, Alabama, South Carolina, Louisiana, Texas, Florida, and Idaho. In that order. And he just said his job is to not worry about you because you're a lazy piece of shit who doesn't contribute to our society, you want government handouts, and you'll never take responsibility for your own life.

To those of you trying to defend him, just stop. Stop saying Romney's being a businessman will help our country. His business didn't build anything, and he made millions of dollars for himself by dismantling existing businesses and strapping them with debt. Stop lying to yourselves about Romney's intent to create jobs because he put millions of people out of work and shipped their jobs overseas to increase his profit margin. And please stop saying you're for Small Government if you want that government to have a say in what I do with my uterus. Stop supporting this cunt. Have you no self respect? Stand up for yourselves. Stand up for each other. Have you no shame?

And to you, Mitt Romney, I know you thought your figures were referring to Obama voters. I know you were trying to say that those of us who want to reelect our President want to do so because we don't want to work. Well, Bitch, I pay more taxes than you and your thieving crony friends.

Tell me again that I'm a lazy, non tax paying layabout who just wants the government to take care of me. I have some paint brushes & power tools I'd like to introduce to the sloppy end of your digestive tract.

By all means, don't you worry about me. I've taken care of myself for many, many years, and I certainly don't expect you to help. Partly because I can do it myself, partly because you are incapable, and thankfully, because you will NEVER be in a position to do so.  The more you speak, the bigger that hole you're digging gets, and I guarantee that come November, you won't have to take care of anyone but that horse. And Rafalca, too.

Now would be a good time to show us your fucking tax returns.

A Voter, not a Victim

Don't You Worry 'Bout a Thing

You are entitled to your opinion,
but you are not entitled to your own facts.