Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Piece. Peace.

Hoping you get some and hoping it's good.

There never was a good war or bad peace.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Go Nebraska.

Do you know what happens when you teach a child how to tie his shoe? He eventually learns how to tie his shoe. Know what happens when he hears you curse? He learns to curse. Get upset with him all you like, but he learned if from you. Just like the commercial says.

Know what happens when the media makes victims of sexual harassment and abuse look like the bad guys? Men like Herman Cain get to run for president, and his fans get to show their brainwashed ignorance by booing anyone who questions his character.

...And college students will take to the streets screaming and crying to support the man who protected a pedophile. For the love of college football.

Bob Ford puts it all into perspective in this article explaining why Beaver Stadium should be empty this weekend.
"There should be no cheering on Saturday. There should be silence in the enormous concrete and steel edifice built to deify a program that has now been revealed as a false god. Tell the people not to come. Tell them there is nothing here to glorify. Encourage them to spend the fall afternoon with their children."
The only thing I wish he would have added is FUCK YOU, Penn State. Fuck you and fuck the fucking idiots out in the fucking street crying over a fucking guy who thought college fucking football was more important the the fucking well being of eight fucking kids. Fuck you for threatening Assistant Coach Mike McQueary for stepping forward to tell your beloved Coach Joe Fucking Paterno that he saw Assistant Fucking Coach Jerry Fucking Sandusky abusing a child in the fucking shower. You wanna bitch at him for not stopping it? Yeah, I'll back you up. Wanna call him a cunt for taking it to Paterno instead of calling the police? Fuck Yeah. But for letting the cat out of the bag? Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck is wrong with you fucks? One day I hope you all look back at footage of yourselves crying your fucking faces off on fucking TV for your fucking school football team only to realize you can spend the rest of your lives Shawshanking through a tunnel of shit longer than four fucking football fields, and there will still never be any fucking redemption for the lot of you. Fuck off and Fuck you.

Get ready to start paying out to your victims. Just ask the National Restaurant Association and Princess Herman Cain, less useful than Athlete's Foot, too disrespectful of women to be allowed out of his house, and flypaper to ignorance. A holy trinity of why shoving my dick in his eye would be more beneficial to this country than his presidency.

Start standing up for victims. My Superiority Complex is getting out of hand.

Karma Police

You are the result of four billion years of evolutionary success.
Fucking act like it.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Have You No Soul?

Really, Mike Huckabee? Really? You believe the words Honey, Sweetie, & Darling are examples of Sexual Harassment? Because it seems to me that if you teach your ignorant followers to believe they are,  you may one day be able to pass a law that redefines the terms of Sexual Harassment thereby making it easier or even legal to Sexually Harass women. Or maybe you're just fucking stupid. Either way, shame on you.

When someone tells you you can keep your job as long as you blow him and then shoves his hand down your pants, you can talk to us about your opinions on Sexual Harassment. Until then, suck my dick, you Fat Fuck. By the way. You're getting fat.


You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success.
Fucking act like it.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

What's a Little Sexual Harassment?

[Roughly 36 hours after posting the following rant written in pure, Horrified Disgust, only one person has asked me where I got the information about the NRA's large, LARGE settlement. Perhaps the Daily Show has fewer viewers than I thought.

I've searched the web to fact check this tidbit beyond What Jon Stewart Said and have found nothing. Either the NRA shelled out $482 Million big ones to make a problem go away and keep its mouth shut and that's why I'm not finding any other sources for this figure, or Jon made it up. 

When all is said and done, I trust Stewart and his staff more than The Media. If they released their own figure, I'd probably wait for Jon Stewart & the Daily Show writers to tell me if it was true or not. That's right. I trust Comedy Central's accuracy more than The Media's...]

I was innocently reading the Seattle Times this morning and as I skipped over the article about Michael Jackson's doctor, my eye caught the story about Penn State's sex scandal which involves former assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky and the eight boys he sexually abused over 15 years.

Disgusting. I read on.

"Survey: Sexual Harassment Rampant in Grades 7-12." It seems that during the 2010-11 school year 48% of these kids received some form of sexual harassment either in person or through some sort of electronic media - a text, an email, Facebook, etc. from their fellow schoolmates. Not accounting for advanced kids who've skipped a grade, we're talking about someone as young as 11 years old. Where are they learning this kind of behavior from, I wonder?

It just gets more awful. I read on.

I hit two stories side by side. The one on the left, "Neighbors Rally Around Cain" sits by its twin, "Cain's Latest Accuser Brings Famed Attorney."

The former describes the white stuccoed, towering palm treed, topiaried and gated golf course community Herman Cain lives in, but makes sure we all know that his brick house is more modest within these surroundings with lots of his grandkids' toys on the lawn. If you knock on his door, he himself may answer it while holding a broom! Ain't that a humble fuckin' picture? It goes on to describe how the poor pizza man is trying to clear up these "Allegations" of sexual harassment, but luckily he has the support of his neighbors.

Meanwhile, the latter article talks of how Cain's "Alleged" sex scandal is surely slipping into the realm of Sensationalism because victim Sharon Bialek's attorney is famed Gloria Allred - the attorney contacted by some of Tiger Wood's mistresses and the same attorney who represented Nicole Brown's Family during OJ's murder trial.

Let's get something straight before my brain explodes because I have a few things to say to the Seattle Times, Jimmy Smith, and Brittany Glynn.

The National Restaurant Association paid $482 Million to settle harassment claims against Cain. Period. He can pretend he didn't do it all he wants. He still did it. That's why there was a settlement. A large fucking settlement.

So, Seattle Times, go ahead and pretend sexual abuse and harassment bother you but then make Herman Cain's victim of sexual harassment look like her case is so sensational it couldn't possibly be true. Write your articles about Penn State's President not properly handling the current sex scandal which involves the rape of a 10 year old boy. Pretend you're outraged by the news that 11 year old school children are sexually harassing each other. But don't paint a GOP presidential candidate as anything other than the monster he is. How could he be? There are toys on his lawn. Maybe if the media start calling out these bastards, school children will start learning that it's not acceptable behavior.

And the same goes for you, Idiot Community Who Supports him. I'm looking at you, Jimmy Smith. "[Your] main issue is the economy and the jobs." Who cares if the the leader of the free world uses his power to force your mother, sister, or daughter to blow him? Fuck you, you unemployed construction worker. I'm sure McDonald's is hiring. That's how much I give a fuck about your troubles right now.

Clinton was impeached for lying about a hummer from a willing Monica Lewinsky but leave poor Cain alone. All he did was repeatedly hold power over women with uninvited sexual advances.

And you, Brittany Glynn. You fucktarded cunt. Women like you are one of the biggest tragedies in our country.

"We kind of think it's funny," said Brittany Glynn, a novelist who lives a few doors from Cain in an Italianate spread with two lion statues flanking the front door. "We kind of think, if this is as good as they've got, he's doing pretty good. Everyone in the neighborhood loves them and are big supporters."

You know what I think would be funny? You or someone you love being a victim of sexual harassment and then having some asshat like yourself not just support the harasser, but claim that the situation is funny. I think that would be a laugh riot, you bloated sac of cum.  Have someone read you this post about women's rights, and then try to justify having a vagina. Are you really fucking stupid or are you really fucking stupid? Don't make me go out to that gated community in Atlanta and Egg a Bitch.

Missed Me

You are the result of four billion years of evolutionary success.
Fucking act like it.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Animal Porn

A conversation I recently had with a total idiot led me to the realization that although I stand behind the Theory of Evolution 100%, I couldn't back it up in my own words. "I learned it in school," just isn't a strong argument when the Religious Reich are so desperate to have "Intelligent Design" taught alongside or instead of Science. What a fucking shame.

So I went to the library and took out Richard Dawkins' The Greatest Show on Earth and Jerry Coyne's Why Evolution is True. It's all there, folks. Facts. We are evolved creatures, despite the Imbeciles and Naysayers out there. "You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it."  The amount of evidence to prove it is staggering and fascinating, and I highly recommend adding both books to your reading list.

So. Being a creature who likes arming herself with Facts and The Truth for the staggering amount of Imbeciles and Naysayers who care for neither Facts nor The Truth, the next subject I decided to master was the natural occurrence of Homosexuality in animals. I read that,  "Homosexuality is present in over 450 species. Homophobia is present in only one. Which one seems unnatural now?" Brilliant. Now let me get my Learnin' On so I can start repeating it to every homophobic douchebag who finds it somehow unholy for all people to have the same rights that my husband and I share.

Off to the library for Bruce Bagemihl's Biological Exuberance, a book about Animal Homosexuality which discusses scientific documentation of  animals engaging in not just homosexual behavior, but non-reproductive homosexual behavior like lifelong bonding and co-parenting. Yay Me for being so eager for knowledge.

Well, thanks to the book's first chapter, I can confirm that MANY homosexual pairs of animals raise families and in many cases exceed their heterosexual counterparts in the extent of parenting skills. Unfortunately, that same chapter has provided me with more information about animal foreplay in both hetero and homosexual animal relationships than I ever expected to find out, and I'm feeling pretty dirty. And not in a good way. I was prepared for words like Nuzzling and Mounting, but Diddling? There is, perhaps, knowledge I don't need to know.

I'm putting you aside, Biological Exuberance. The One Wattled Cassowary bird on your cover can stare me down all it likes.

Work It

As for science vs. religion
I'm issuing a restraining order. 
Religion must stay 500 yards from science at all times.