Friday, July 20, 2012

Too Much for a Blunt Instrument to Understand

In the wake of today's tragedy in Aurora, Colorado, let's make sure that some dumb cunt of a conservative gets a chance to say something Street Rat Crazy instead of looking in the mirror, rethinking his own policies, and, more importantly, SHUTTING THE FUCK UP.

This may be too much for an idiot to comprehend, but Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert is an Ass Hat, and anyone who voted him into office KNOWING he's an Ass Hat, is an Ass Hat too. If you are one of these Ass Hats, have someone explain to you that George Harrison solved the gun control issue years ago when he said "If everyone who had a gun just shot themselves, there wouldn't be a problem."

Then ask them to explain that you're dealing with a heat wave this summer because of Global Warming, that Mitt Romney isn't releasing more than 2 years of tax returns because he's hiding something very bad, and that the world economy crashed because of a few really rich, greedy conservatives. Then work on not being an Ass Hat anymore. Asshole.

The Choice is Yours

You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success.
Fucking act like it.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

It's That Time Again.

Dear Diem,

Our records show that you are due for a Booby Squishing. Please call one of our schedulers to arrange your Booby Squishing appointment. On Squishing day, please avoid the use of anything that makes you stink or sweat less as it may affect the quality of the squished booby images we take. We recommend that you wear a two piece making it easier for our Booby Squishing technician to access, stretch, pull, flatten, and of course, squish the boobies. Thanks for choosing us for all your Booby Squishing & Box Doctor needs.

My Humps

You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success.
Fucking act like it.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

No More Foamy Yellow Dog Bile

Believe it or not, this is not a political rant, but, in fact, about vomiting dogs.

Our Pit Bull had a habit of yakking up almost every day, and the animal hospital down the street made a lot of money finding nothing that would explain why. They suggested we change his food, change his feeding times, spread out his feedings to decrease the amount of acid in his tummy, and finally, just accept that Pit Bulls have sensitive bellies.

Fuck a bunch of that.

We found an intelligent vet that cares about animals, and she suggested that he may have a food allergy. Her first guess was wheat flour, and the plan was to find a dog food and treat that didn't list wheat, see if he stopped puking, and go from there.

It worked - simple as that.

I have no need to bash one company or promote another, I just want to let you know what helped us. We were giving him Milk-Bones (which are wheat based) and found Nutro Ultra (which is brown rice.) We buy it from a chain pet store, and he hasn't stained the carpet since. Problem solved.

Dogs Rule the Night

For me, [dogs] are the role model 
for being alive - Gilda Radner