Piece. Peace.

Hoping you get some and hoping it's good.

Closer

There never was a good war or bad peace.

Go Nebraska.

Do you know what happens when you teach a child how to tie his shoe? He eventually learns how to tie his shoe. Know what happens when he hears you curse? He learns to curse. Get upset with him all you like, but he learned if from you. Just like the commercial says.

Know what happens when the media makes victims of sexual harassment and abuse look like the bad guys? Men like Herman Cain get to run for president, and his fans get to show their brainwashed ignorance by booing anyone who questions his character.

...And college students will take to the streets screaming and crying to support the man who protected a pedophile. For the love of college football.

Bob Ford puts it all into perspective in this article explaining why Beaver Stadium should be empty this weekend.

"There should be no cheering on Saturday. There should be silence in the enormous concrete and steel edifice built to deify a program that has now been revealed as a false god. Tell the people not to come. Tell them there is nothing here to glorify. Encourage them to spend the fall afternoon with their children."

The only thing I wish he would have added is FUCK YOU, Penn State. Fuck you and fuck the fucking idiots out in the fucking street crying over a fucking guy who thought college fucking football was more important the the fucking well being of eight fucking kids. Fuck you for threatening Assistant Coach Mike McQueary for stepping forward to tell your beloved Coach Joe Fucking Paterno that he saw Assistant Fucking Coach Jerry Fucking Sandusky abusing a child in the fucking shower. You wanna bitch at him for not stopping it? Yeah, I'll back you up. Wanna call him a cunt for taking it to Paterno instead of calling the police? Fuck Yeah. But for letting the cat out of the bag? Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck is wrong with you fucks? One day I hope you all look back at footage of yourselves crying your fucking faces off on fucking TV for your fucking school football team only to realize you can spend the rest of your lives Shawshanking through a tunnel of shit longer than four fucking football fields, and there will still never be any fucking redemption for the lot of you. Fuck off and Fuck you.

Get ready to start paying out to your victims. Just ask the National Restaurant Association and Princess Herman Cain, less useful than Athlete's Foot, too disrespectful of women to be allowed out of his house, and flypaper to ignorance. A holy trinity of why shoving my dick in his eye would be more beneficial to this country than his presidency.

Start standing up for victims. My Superiority Complex is getting out of hand.

Karma Police

You are the result of four billion years of evolutionary success.

Fucking act like it.

Have You No Soul?

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

Really, Mike Huckabee? Really? You believe the words Honey, Sweetie, & Darling are examples of Sexual Harassment? Because it seems to me that if you teach your ignorant followers to believe they are,  you may one day be able to pass a law that redefines the terms of Sexual Harassment thereby making it easier or even legal to Sexually Harass women. Or maybe you're just fucking stupid. Either way, shame on you.

When someone tells you you can keep your job as long as you blow him and then shoves his hand down your pants, you can talk to us about your opinions on Sexual Harassment. Until then, suck my dick, you Fat Fuck. By the way. You're getting fat.

Godless

You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success.

Fucking act like it.

What's a Little Sexual Harassment?

[Roughly 36 hours after posting the following rant written in pure, Horrified Disgust, only one person has asked me where I got the information about the NRA's large, LARGE settlement. Perhaps the Daily Show has fewer viewers than I thought.


I've searched the web to fact check this tidbit beyond What Jon Stewart Said and have found nothing. Either the NRA shelled out $482 Million big ones to make a problem go away and keep its mouth shut and that's why I'm not finding any other sources for this figure, or Jon made it up. 


When all is said and done, I trust Stewart and his staff more than The Media. If they released their own figure, I'd probably wait for Jon Stewart & the Daily Show writers to tell me if it was true or not. That's right. I trust Comedy Central's accuracy more than The Media's...]




I was innocently reading the Seattle Times this morning and as I skipped over the article about Michael Jackson's doctor, my eye caught the story about Penn State's sex scandal which involves former assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky and the eight boys he sexually abused over 15 years.

Disgusting. I read on.

"Survey: Sexual Harassment Rampant in Grades 7-12." It seems that during the 2010-11 school year 48% of these kids received some form of sexual harassment either in person or through some sort of electronic media - a text, an email, Facebook, etc. from their fellow schoolmates. Not accounting for advanced kids who've skipped a grade, we're talking about someone as young as 11 years old. Where are they learning this kind of behavior from, I wonder?

It just gets more awful. I read on.

I hit two stories side by side. The one on the left, "Neighbors Rally Around Cain" sits by its twin, "Cain's Latest Accuser Brings Famed Attorney."

The former describes the white stuccoed, towering palm treed, topiaried and gated golf course community Herman Cain lives in, but makes sure we all know that his brick house is more modest within these surroundings with lots of his grandkids' toys on the lawn. If you knock on his door, he himself may answer it while holding a broom! Ain't that a humble fuckin' picture? It goes on to describe how the poor pizza man is trying to clear up these "Allegations" of sexual harassment, but luckily he has the support of his neighbors.

Meanwhile, the latter article talks of how Cain's "Alleged" sex scandal is surely slipping into the realm of Sensationalism because victim Sharon Bialek's attorney is famed Gloria Allred - the attorney contacted by some of Tiger Wood's mistresses and the same attorney who represented Nicole Brown's Family during OJ's murder trial.

Let's get something straight before my brain explodes because I have a few things to say to the Seattle Times, Jimmy Smith, and Brittany Glynn.

The National Restaurant Association paid $482 Million to settle harassment claims against Cain. Period. He can pretend he didn't do it all he wants. He still did it. That's why there was a settlement. A large fucking settlement.

So, Seattle Times, go ahead and pretend sexual abuse and harassment bother you but then make Herman Cain's victim of sexual harassment look like her case is so sensational it couldn't possibly be true. Write your articles about Penn State's President not properly handling the current sex scandal which involves the rape of a 10 year old boy. Pretend you're outraged by the news that 11 year old school children are sexually harassing each other. But don't paint a GOP presidential candidate as anything other than the monster he is. How could he be? There are toys on his lawn. Maybe if the media start calling out these bastards, school children will start learning that it's not acceptable behavior.

And the same goes for you, Idiot Community Who Supports him. I'm looking at you, Jimmy Smith. "[Your] main issue is the economy and the jobs." Who cares if the the leader of the free world uses his power to force your mother, sister, or daughter to blow him? Fuck you, you unemployed construction worker. I'm sure McDonald's is hiring. That's how much I give a fuck about your troubles right now.

Clinton was impeached for lying about a hummer from a willing Monica Lewinsky but leave poor Cain alone. All he did was repeatedly hold power over women with uninvited sexual advances.

And you, Brittany Glynn. You fucktarded cunt. Women like you are one of the biggest tragedies in our country.

"We kind of think it's funny," said Brittany Glynn, a novelist who lives a few doors from Cain in an Italianate spread with two lion statues flanking the front door. "We kind of think, if this is as good as they've got, he's doing pretty good. Everyone in the neighborhood loves them and are big supporters."

You know what I think would be funny? You or someone you love being a victim of sexual harassment and then having some asshat like yourself not just support the harasser, but claim that the situation is funny. I think that would be a laugh riot, you bloated sac of cum.  Have someone read you this post about women's rights, and then try to justify having a vagina. Are you really fucking stupid or are you really fucking stupid? Don't make me go out to that gated community in Atlanta and Egg a Bitch.

Missed Me

You are the result of four billion years of evolutionary success.

Fucking act like it.

Animal Porn

A conversation I recently had with a total idiot led me to the realization that although I stand behind the Theory of Evolution 100%, I couldn't back it up in my own words. "I learned it in school," just isn't a strong argument when the Religious Reich are so desperate to have "Intelligent Design" taught alongside or instead of Science. What a fucking shame.

So I went to the library and took out Richard Dawkins' The Greatest Show on Earth and Jerry Coyne's Why Evolution is True. It's all there, folks. Facts. We are evolved creatures, despite the Imbeciles and Naysayers out there. "You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it."  The amount of evidence to prove it is staggering and fascinating, and I highly recommend adding both books to your reading list.


So. Being a creature who likes arming herself with Facts and The Truth for the staggering amount of Imbeciles and Naysayers who care for neither Facts nor The Truth, the next subject I decided to master was the natural occurrence of Homosexuality in animals. I read that,  "Homosexuality is present in over 450 species. Homophobia is present in only one. Which one seems unnatural now?" Brilliant. Now let me get my Learnin' On so I can start repeating it to every homophobic douchebag who finds it somehow unholy for all people to have the same rights that my husband and I share.

Off to the library for Bruce Bagemihl's Biological Exuberance, a book about Animal Homosexuality which discusses scientific documentation of  animals engaging in not just homosexual behavior, but non-reproductive homosexual behavior like lifelong bonding and co-parenting. Yay Me for being so eager for knowledge.

Well, thanks to the book's first chapter, I can confirm that MANY homosexual pairs of animals raise families and in many cases exceed their heterosexual counterparts in the extent of parenting skills. Unfortunately, that same chapter has provided me with more information about animal foreplay in both hetero and homosexual animal relationships than I ever expected to find out, and I'm feeling pretty dirty. And not in a good way. I was prepared for words like Nuzzling and Mounting, but Diddling? There is, perhaps, knowledge I don't need to know.

I'm putting you aside, Biological Exuberance. The One Wattled Cassowary bird on your cover can stare me down all it likes.

Work It

As for science vs. religion, 

I'm issuing a restraining order. 

Religion must stay 500 yards from science at all times.

Occupy Wall Street

When I see photos of Teabagger's holding poorly spelled, racist, bigoted signs conveying really ignorant concepts, I shudder but giggle. Way to stand up against Muslin, idiots.

I hear what they are saying, but I still think they are full of shit. Why? Because the leaders who feed them the drivel they regurgitate are full of shit.

Corporation CEOs are not your friends, Dummies. They are clever, clever thieves. While Congress is in their back pocket doing their dirty work by running into the bank and waving their guns, they sit at home waiting for the loot to be delivered to them. For some reason, you sign-holding idiots don't realize it's YOUR MONEY that was just stolen. You've got one hand holding up a stupid sign and the other one holding the bank door open so Cantor and Bachmann can make their getaways.


Unfortunately, I feel a heavy shoe on the other foot, at the moment. The theatrics of some at the Occupy Wall Street Movement are, at times, embarrassing, and I wince when I consider how they not only detract from the OWS message, but actually allow for blatant misinterpreting from opponents. And honestly, the term 'Redistribute the Wealth' doesn't sit well with me. It sounds a lot like 'Hand Me Some of What You Got.' I don't want what you got. I want what I earned, and I want your ass in jail if you stole it.

So to those of you who think this movement is about handouts, be advised. You are wrong.

This is about Corporations who forced their workers to pay into pension funds and then syphoned that money away to themselves using tricky loopholes that Congress continues to allow. And while you continue voting for representatives who protect these CEOs, these CEOs will continue their decimation of workers' retirement plans to boost their own pay and pensions. You, who does not understand this movement, are handing over YOUR money and future to someone else. Period. That, to me, is stealing. And while Congress continues to allow it, there's your fucking Hand Out.

If I'm wrong, why did Eric Cantor once talk of "The battle for our Democracy" and how "We must win this battle," and how "We can take this country back" only to claim NOW that "[He] for one [is] increasingly concerned about the growing mobs occupying Wall Street and the other cities across the country?" Because he's full of shit, that's why. Full of CEO/Corporate shit that's been pumped up his cornhole too far by CEO/Corporate dick.


If you really don't understand the protests, you've been brainwashed. If you pretend you don't understand, you're really fucking rich and very nervous.


List of Demands

You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success.

Fucking act like it.

The Fuck Up Fairy Flies United.

I spent last week back east visiting my mother. Her husband, who I hate like poison, was getting out of the hospital, and I just wanted to make sure she could handle his return home. She is old, and he is Street Rat Crazy. His release was abrupt news so I quickly bought the most affordable ticket which included flights with a stop on both legs. I've flown only a handful of times, and did not know this was just plain stupid.

The MRI and Neurological check ups I go through twice a year were both scheduled for Tuesday morning and afternoon, and I didn't want to postpone them. To squeeze in as much alone time with my mother before He Who Ruins Her Life got home, I chose to end that very long day with a Red Eye Flight that would get me to her early Wednesday morning, a full day before she had to pick up the Douche Cannon. I assumed I'd be so tired I'd just sleep the through the flight, but the seats were unbelievably small and uncomfortable, and there was a very large passenger to my right who had no choice but to take up half of my space. The plane flew through a very stormy night and the constant turbulence added no comfort. It was just impossible to sleep through such a bumpy ride.

To top it all off, the flight was delayed for 35 minutes. It was just enough time to make me believe I might possibly catch my connecting flight and then miss it by one minute. For real. I arrived at the gate only to see my plane backing away. Had the pilot been looking, he would have been close enough to see me give him the finger.

So I rebooked the next flight available and sat there, tired as fuck, for four hours waiting to board the model kit airplane they constructed earlier that morning. You could smell the glue still drying on the wing. We boarded and then sat on the runway so long the pilot apologized for Air Traffic Control not being "on top of their game" that day. We'll chuck that phrase into the bin of shit I don't need to hear.

We landed, I spent a few precious hours alone with Mom, and then endured the next few days with her and her husband who sucks a bag of dicks.

I returned to the airport on Saturday at noon looking forward to getting away from the Bag of Dick Sucker and returning to The Boy and our pets, but sometime after we were supposed to board the plane, United told us the engine was leaking oil. They delayed the flight every hour with constant reassurances that it would all be done soon, so everyone rebooked their connecting flights but kept their eye on the clock because with every delay, it became clear that our new rebooked itineraries would require another rebooking.

Now, United could have been honest with us at noon and confessed that their mechanics would spend the next 8 hours Coming Down and might get to the repair when the snakes and bugs left them alone, but they were so desperate to avoid spending money accommodating us with meals, hotel rooms, and flights on other airlines that they strung us along all day and kept their fingers crossed that they could MacGyver the hemorrhaging engine with something cheap like gum and a paperclip. At 8PMish when they announced that they MIGHT need to order a part, I believe I snapped. A Fucking Part to a Fucking Plane that I have to Fucking Fly to another Fucking city to get a connecting, Fucking Flight. Fuck That, you Fucking Fuckers.

Exhausted as I was, I approached the counter and told United to rent me a car so I could drive to another airport, to buy me dinner and a hotel room for the night, and to pay for a direct flight for me to get home. They told me they could take care of everything, but couldn't rent me the car, they could only send me a limo and give me a ride. Well spank my ass, and call me Charlie, I'll take it.

The limo took me to another airport, and when I arrived, there was no one at the United counter. NO ONE. At United's counter, at a big airport, at 9PM, on a Saturday night. So I pick up the Courtesy Phone and explained that I needed a staff member because I'd been sent there due to mechanical problems with their plane in another city and that I had been given vouchers for not just a direct flight on another and much better airline, but for a meal and a hotel room - on them. Of all the things I was prepared to hear from the woman on the other end of the line, "How did you get this number?" was not one of them. I shit you not, I've been at an airport all day, I'm tired, I'm hungry, I just want to get home and am still no closer to it than I was when I arrived at the first airport 9 hours earlier, and this vaginal blood fart on the other end of the phone acts like I've phoned her cell.

How did I get this number?!? Bitch, are you fucking stupid for a living? I did not wake up this morning to be flypaper to cunts today, I will fucking cut you. I have been through Shawshank this week only I tunneled through a lot more shit and there was no fucking redemption so sort yourself out NOW, and put my ass in a comfortable bed or I will hunt you down like you owe me money and so help me I will never stop smacking you. How did I get this number? I got it from your Baby Daddy, you bloated sack of cum. Now suck my dick or be prepared for me to shove my dick in your eye because I am NOT having this. Cunt.

Everything was smooth from that moment on. Fast shuttle to a free room at the Hilton, free meal, a little alcohol, a comfy bed all to myself, and a direct flight home that was not just on time but arrived early and had leg room. I'm 5 fucking 2. If I tell you that first flight had no leg room, I assure you, there was no room for your fucking legs.

I stepped off the plane pretty well rested, but 30 minutes early so I sat at the bar, ordered a shot of Jack and a breakfast sandwich, and promised myself to never do it again...

Mama Said Knock You Out

You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success.

Fucking act like it.