Thursday, March 31, 2011

Oh the Irony

I turned the news on this morning knowing it would be a mistake. I should have just started the series of Arrested Development DVDs I've been gifted, but I thought I should at least check in with the world first.

Today's story is about Tea Baggers Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin who feel there is a double standard when it comes to female Conservatives. Unfortunately, these two morons are too stupid to realize it's NOT because they are women. It's because they are stupid. If they had their historical facts straight, there would be no need to point out the inaccuracies. We didn't let Quayle or Bush get away with it either.

Don't pull out the Female Card until you're being attacked for being a woman. Like, say, the way women all over the country are being attacked by Republicans and Neo Conservatives and Tea Baggers who are trying to defund Planned Parenthood health centers which provide us with birth control, cancer screenings, and HIV testing. Republicans and Neo Conservatives and Tea Baggers like Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin.

Put your Cards down, you cunts. You're not for Women at all.


You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. 
Fucking act like it...

Wednesday, March 30, 2011


If you live in an apartment and don't want it to smell like weed but you occasionally Need to smoke weed you might smoke it in the bathroom because the bathroom has a fan and so you might decide to just store it all in one of the bathroom drawers with all your other bathroom stuff and if you are relatively smart you will carefully sort through your bathroom stuff before you take it out and use it otherwise you might come home and take out your ponytail and find that the ponytail holder you chose that morning had a screen stuck to it...

☯ Loser/ Loser

I am the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. 
Sometimes I act like it.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011


I have never kept a journal. I'm sure they are of great use, but I myself don't have enough interesting things to say that require writing.

I DO have lots of shit I will forget unless I write it down, so I have kept notebooks filled with completely unrelated stuff. One page will have a shopping list, the next a sketch of something I want to build, and it's soon followed by a picture of a pretty home I ripped out of a magazine. The only times I've filled more than a page for any topic has been to log miles for a specific job or when I've had to keep track of certain events just in case I was called upon to testify.

These Notebooks don't get tossed. Each has a list of Books I want to read, quotes I heard somewhere, or personal information I'd rather shred before tossing in the trash but am too lazy or tired to do so. More importantly, they each have enough empty pages that I can still write on.

Today I broke out the soft Brown Suede One that fits nicely in my purse and couldn't help looking at the last pages I'd written in. Let's see: a circled reference number with no reference to what it was referring to, a To Do list from January 8, 2009 or 2010, a list of Super Foods that I was hoping would cure all my MS symptoms, and the first draft of a letter I wrote that starts out "Dear Cunt." Hmmm.

"Dear Cunt,

To the best of my knowledge, I don't default on any of the paperwork for my company credit card. I know every purchased item NOT reported on the bank's website before the upload date is defaulted and leads to a page of paperwork for you, so considering how much purchasing I must do for this job and considering how diligent I have always been about keeping my purchases updated, you should be sucking my dick in gratitude. How many other employees are as careful? Do you CC their boss and boss' boss when you think they fuck up? No, you Dirty Whore.

Do you remember that I'm the one who found the default tricks on that webpage because of how much I use it?

Do you realize that for the past month my entire body has been numb, I've lost hearing in my ear, I can barely pee, I shit blood everyday, I can't walk or stand without assistance, and yet while this has been going on I've still come to work just to update that fucking website because it's not available to off campus computers? And you have the audacity to email me a reprimand for defaulting? How is it everyone but you knows I would have been on sick leave if it weren't for the fact that my boss is an unsympathetic vaginal blood fart?

Do you realize you followed your first lame ass email with a second which correctly names the culprit, tells me to Never Mind, yet has NO APOLOGY for incorrectly accusing me of messing up an entire month's worth of work purchases which happened, by the way, during Not Only the hardest time of my life, but during a period of time when we ALL KNOW I wasn't driving or doing any purchasing because I spent most of that time in an MRI? How about a little compassion you anorexic, stupid bowl of hair? How about you eat a sandwich and do your job right?

If you so much as look at me wrong from here on out, I will never stop smacking you."

Just a first draft. If I remember correctly, my brother and husband advised me to ignore her two emails and not reply. Probably best. I doubt I would have done a lot of editing.

I Hate You So Much

You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success.
Fucking act like it.